what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
