This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
