Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
