ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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