this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
