I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
