also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
