the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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