this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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