I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
