Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize