ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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