omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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