Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
