you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
