OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
