well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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