He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
