i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
