Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
