??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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