Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
