I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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