Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
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