i think my tv is drunk
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
