Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
