My sheets look like a crime scene.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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