Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
