How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
