we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
