The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
