He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
