never play flip cup with pint glasses
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
