my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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