I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
