kristin has been a bad kristin
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
