Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
