Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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