the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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