Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
