I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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