I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize