Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
