I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
