How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
