Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
