then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
