I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
