Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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