my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
