you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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