yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
