I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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