it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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