I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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