Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
