haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so let's talk penis.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
