Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize