So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
