upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
