whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
