I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
