69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
