It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
