where am i from again
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
