chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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