and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
