This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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