to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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