totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
