your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
