I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
