I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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