i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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